he shaved USA in his pubs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
