i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
