I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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