YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
