guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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