tell your sister to shave her snatch
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
