I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize