yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
