Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
