The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
