Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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