I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
