Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
