I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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