so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
