Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
