you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
