well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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