So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
