Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
