the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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