Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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