i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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