The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
