woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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