Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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