Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
