Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
