im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
