She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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