He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
