Welp...herpes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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