I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize