i think i have two assholes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
