He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
