Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
