between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
