Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
