I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
