Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
