I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize