you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
