If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
