I want you more than these girls want KFC
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
