After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need to stop coming to work sober
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
