it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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