she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize