i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
