Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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