You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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