I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
