Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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