NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
