I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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