I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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