I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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