Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
