you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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