Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
