Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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