Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
