Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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