The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
