So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
