He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
