Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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