There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
