I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
