the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
