I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
