oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
