Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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