I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
