And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
