Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
